Communication is constantly ranked at the top of the problem pile of life, whether at work or in your personal life, it’s the soft skills that can be hard to manage.

The challenge as put forward by R.D. Laing is “Persons and Experience” you see me and I see you. I see your behaviour and you see mine. I experience your behaviour and you experience my behaviour but neither of us can experience the others behaviour as this experience is the ‘invisible’ part of the communication puzzle.

As every good communicator knows words are not our experience they are a way to bridge communication to others about our experience, a bridge that separates and distances us from our experience and is not and can never be the actual experience. The listener may agree that they know and understand what we are saying and what we mean, but their meaning and understanding cannot be a true depiction of your experience, as it is YOU.

If you were to OWN (Observe Witness Narrate) (Siegel, D.J (2017)) your experience then you would be ever closer to your self, your mind, your soul. This need to have the purest connection of all must surely be at the heart of each of us, yet the noise of the 21st Century attempts to cloud our way home.

The ability to crack this puzzle sits in the hands of very few exceptional people, as there is verbal as well as non-verbal communication to take into account during any encounter with another person or persons.

At age 25 I was diagnosed with conductive deafness, basically I was born with no hearing bones in my ears, so I had learned to lip-read, naturally and to make my way in the world, without ever knowing about it.

Now, a quarter of a century later the strategies I have gleaned from the below conscious side of human interaction is measurable, yet, still as invisible today as it has always been. My honors degree was on the subject of Unconscious Coaching where I looked at the non-verbal communication between coach and client, the results were astounding.

If you would like to know more about this then click here, if not then the best of luck to you on your journey.

Matt Hudson


Laing, R.D (1967). The Politics of Experience and The Bird of Paradise. Middlesex, England: Penguin Books. p15-38.

CD ImageSiegel, D.J (2017). MIND A Journey to the Heart of Being Human. New York: W.W. Norton & Company. P230.